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As I reach the door of our youth trailer, I look over toward the parking lot, where one of my Sunday school classmates is standing underneath the basketball hoop with our teacher. My classmate is holding her cardigan closely around her body, and the conversation seems serious. They come in shortly after, and my classmate continues to hold her cardigan close to her, not singing or clapping with the rest of us.
Later, I find out that she came to church with a hickey on her neck and that she was given a scolding in the parking lot. Born to immigrant Korean parents who leaned on the church for community, I was raised Presbyterian — and Korean Presbyterian at that, which meant stricter rules and a more intense shame culture. My family spent all day at church every Sunday, and then there was more church during the week — Wednesday night service and Saturday morning prayer meeting for my parents, Friday night youth group for me.
To add to that, up until high school, I attended private Christian schools. Our lives revolved around church, and faith informed our daily worldview. I knew plenty of people growing up who remained chaste, not having sex or even kissing until their wedding day. People coupled off shortly after they graduated from college.
Wives would stop working if they had started at all and get pregnant as quickly as possible, having a series of children in rapid progression, while husbands financially supported their growing brood. Their lives revolved around their church community. Life, in many ways, was simple, formulaic, and heteronormative.
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